Sunday, December 10, 2006

Stupider than Fiction Roundup

First off, this is not a good post. This is a post that will do anything for a cheap laugh, and therefore not likely to get anything. It is a couple news stories I've greatly "enjoyed" over the past few days. (All links courtesy of Her Majesty the Queen's British Broadcasting Service)

The new Fijian government (post-coup) politely suggests that dissenters shut the hell up and pour themselves another Mai Thai.

I thought Margaret Thatcher was dead...But no, here she is deeply mourning the loss of Augusto Pinochet. I suppose that she won't be going to his place for tea anymore, which is a shame considering the new flat-panel HDTV he was about to buy. At least we know the General's legacy is still living on.

Two "Hollywood Chimps" are retired to a nice family farm after allegations of abuse by their trainers. Chimpanzees are found in greatest numbers in Côte d'Ivoire, with smaller populations in Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Liberia. Here reports of people getting abused by electric shock sticks, punched, taunted, and intimidated hardly warrant a second thought nowadays. I suppose there are advantages to starring in Bruce Almighty after all. On another note, there are unconfirmed rumours that the chimp's trainer, Sid Yost, has fled to Liberia and is planning on leading a repressive military coup replete with shock sticks and routine intimidation.

And, with props to Robot, the BBC's most read story and proof that they can slip that dry humour (remember, British links) even in the news- Indian condoms are too big Subtlety! This is what you get for winning independence! The joke was fifty years in the making but BOOYA. EAT IT INDIA. But perhaps the Indians have the last laugh as one of their Drs. manages a crushingly witty Alexander Pope reference in regard to the issue. Next week in the beeb, bras imported to Australia are far, far too large?

4 Comments:

Blogger Austin 5-000 said...

Your blogging self-consciousness will never equal mine. I'm surprised you even tried...

4:03 PM  
Blogger Scantron said...

It seems the night is decidedly not calling for big thangz in India.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Scantron said...

More on small wieners:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/Cities/Mumbai/Indian_men_dont_measure_up/articleshow/msid-738882,curpg-1.cms

And this in an Indian paper no less. Here we get down to the brass tacks and start crunching numbers. I'll let you explore the data yourselves. There are several other interesting points in the article: for example, everyone get ready for the Indian Council of Medical Research penis study, set to come out in 07! In it, penis size is correlated with geographical location, bodily dimension, and *socio-economic status.* Bourgeoisie, bigger or smaller? Place your bets.

Also: "The ICMR had requested Indian Institute of Technology in Delhi to devise ways to measure an erect penis: 'We had devised an automated system in which an image of the penis would be taken and the computer would interpret different dimensions.'" Jesus, just get the tape measure out, guys!

1:46 AM  
Blogger Robot said...

The thing about the Indian small penis size, as some journalists have now been forced to point out after a good laugh, is that the joking stops after one realizes that people are getting AIDS because of this condom mess.

Also, for perhaps a better article about small penis', I refer you to this incredible article concerning a tussle with Michael Crichton:

http://www.tnr.com/doc.mhtml?i=20061225&s=diarist122506

1:10 PM  

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