Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The Liquidity Party is Over: Merge My Fist To Your Face

High salaries, models, and bottles. Kiss it goodbye you investment banking fuck, and acquire a new job, because you're fired. Investment banking is soooo passee.

I can hear you scream "Oh, please give me shelter, I spent my after-tax 72,000 compensation cause they told me the party would go on forever!" That's cause you didn't take a history class you suck ass.

"I'm an investment banker though, I am at the top of the food chain, I make the most money out of college, and they told me they wont fire me." Good, I am glad your still being paid a base salary of 60,000 to work 100 hour weeks. "But I get a bonus" Wrong, now you don't.

In case you didn't notice, I am absolutely ecstatic about the prospective of bonus' being parred down and investment bankers potentially losing their jobs. These pieces of shit don't deserve as much money as they receive or their elitist attitude. Now they won't have it. 3,000 investment bankers were just fired from Bank of America. Merrill Lynch just wrote down 10 billion dollars in losses today. That is as much as they made in all of 2006. In 3 months they lost as much as they made in an entire year. The guys we know there are fucked in so many ways.

A quick review of the Wash U careers website reveals that NO financial companies are hiring for investment banking positions. NONE. This time last year there were hundreds of postings and scores of on campus interviews. You cant find a posting anywhere for entry-level positions.

Yes, the crash. We are in a recession. And this is gonna go on for a long time. I think people will turn within themselves and ask, 'What did I just do?'

As one banker put it, "my entire value as a person was linked to making more money for people." The fucker didn't realize it until the night he was "terminated", sitting at his kitchen table with pasta cooking. I brought the booze. He wanted to save money.

2 Comments:

Blogger John Liberty said...

I promise my comments on this blog will become more cerebral.

I have a question? What is the problem with Iran? I'm being serious. Someone should research that.

12:05 PM  
Blogger Scantron said...

John Liberty, I hope you know the answer: do businessmen ever actually jump out of their corner office windows when they see the numbers, like in the movies?

11:50 PM  

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