Another bad political writing contest
What do decapitation, wine bottles, sledgehammers, firehoses, and cobwebs have in common? They're all in the lede to this atrociously mixed-metaphor-populated piece in Dissident Voice about Paulson's regulation plan. While I sympathize somewhat with the spirit of the article, I was completely distracted by the bizarre outpouring of images on display in every paragraph. I blogged about this sometime back.
Other examples:
"Many people still naively believe that planning their retirement should not have to be a Darwinian tussle with a crafty junk bond salesman."
"It was all part of Maestro’s 'New Economy': trickle-down Elysium, where the endless flow of low interest credit merged with financial innovation to create a Reaganesque El Dorado. There are no regulations in Eden; anything goes and to heck with the public, they can fend for themselves."
"Now it’s Paulson’s job to keep the neoliberal flame lit long enough to make sure that government busybodies and bureaucratic do-gooders don’t upset the applecart. That means concocting a wacky public relations campaign to convince the public that Wall Street is not just a pirate’s cove of land sharks and bunko artists, but a trusted ally in maintaining a strong economy through vital and efficient markets."
"Paulson should be removed immediately and returned to his wolf’s lair at G-Sax. If Bush is serious about straightening out Wall Street, then bring in Eliot Spitzer. He’s available. And he’ll do what it takes to clean house, that is, put a truncheon-wielding robo-cop in every trading-pit at the NYSE, and dispatch government accountants to every office of every CFO making sure they have a Big Red Pen in one hand and a taser in the other. That’s the only way to get the attention of the bandit class."
My personal favorite (deep breath):
"What nonsense. The house is on fire and hyperventilating Hank is still wasting our time with this rubbish. The real problem is that Paulson and his buddies at the Federal Reserve think of the financial system as their personal fiefdom so they refuse to loosen their hoary grip even though the economy is listing starboard and the water is flooding into the lower decks."
Because fiefdoms are on boats...? Sweet hyperventilating Jesus in a flaming sidecar.
Other examples:
"Many people still naively believe that planning their retirement should not have to be a Darwinian tussle with a crafty junk bond salesman."
"It was all part of Maestro’s 'New Economy': trickle-down Elysium, where the endless flow of low interest credit merged with financial innovation to create a Reaganesque El Dorado. There are no regulations in Eden; anything goes and to heck with the public, they can fend for themselves."
"Now it’s Paulson’s job to keep the neoliberal flame lit long enough to make sure that government busybodies and bureaucratic do-gooders don’t upset the applecart. That means concocting a wacky public relations campaign to convince the public that Wall Street is not just a pirate’s cove of land sharks and bunko artists, but a trusted ally in maintaining a strong economy through vital and efficient markets."
"Paulson should be removed immediately and returned to his wolf’s lair at G-Sax. If Bush is serious about straightening out Wall Street, then bring in Eliot Spitzer. He’s available. And he’ll do what it takes to clean house, that is, put a truncheon-wielding robo-cop in every trading-pit at the NYSE, and dispatch government accountants to every office of every CFO making sure they have a Big Red Pen in one hand and a taser in the other. That’s the only way to get the attention of the bandit class."
My personal favorite (deep breath):
"What nonsense. The house is on fire and hyperventilating Hank is still wasting our time with this rubbish. The real problem is that Paulson and his buddies at the Federal Reserve think of the financial system as their personal fiefdom so they refuse to loosen their hoary grip even though the economy is listing starboard and the water is flooding into the lower decks."
Because fiefdoms are on boats...? Sweet hyperventilating Jesus in a flaming sidecar.
posted by to scranton at 2:17 AM
2 Comments:
I'm 25% sure my uncle wrote this article under a poorly chosen pen name but I should know the truth soon.
these are great
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