Friday, March 27, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen, Let Me Reintroduce You to the Radical Right

Dear Radical Right,
You've been in power so long that now, beaten, bruised, and marginalized, you can finally return to your true roots as an ideology of truly revolutionary ideals. I once thought that aspects of your worldview were quarantined in the hinterland of Texas radio. But now, finally, your time has come. On Fox News, your Eye of Sauron has uncovered the plot to place American citizens in Concentration Camps. In the halls of Congress, your representatives have asked the globalist conspirators (ahem...Bernanke and Geithner) whether (or perhaps, when) they will implement the Global Currency. But as any John Bircher will tell you, you can trust a globalist as far as you can throw one. These Jews are heavy after all! So you look critically upon their "categorical rejections" of such a move, and bring a bill before Congress making sure that the People will reject the economic tenets of globalism.

Yet, these two are only half-measures. It's time to get serious. It's time, ladies and gentlemen, to put the "radical" back in the right. Let me read you some of the recent words of someone who is willing to speak truth to power. "At this point the American people - it's like Thomas Jefferson said, a revolution every now and then is a good thing," this right-wing-freedom-fighter-channeling-the-Symbionese-Liberation-Army tells us. What you, the radical right see, and the rest of us don't, is that lurking under that dark complexion lies a King George, a Caesar. "Where freedom is tried, the people rejoice," we are reminded, citing the great maxim perhaps attributable to Thomas Paine. "But where tyranny is enforced upon the people, as Barack Obama is doing, the people suffer and mourn." "Reporting from enemy lines," you the radical right assure us that this Hussein won't be the one to break our "230 years, a continuous link of freedom that every generation has ceded to the next generation."

But why not? Why not let the globalist Marxists take over and go somewhere else? Why not go retire to the sweet lands of liberty in, say Nicaragua, as other great freedom fighters have done? Well, it's because Nicaragua, like every other fucking country is also taken over by fucking globalists!
Do we get into an inner tube and float 90 miles to some free country? There is no free country for us to repair to!
There is no free country for us to repair to, indeed! Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sad to report that as of today you, the radical right, can no longer claim my current state of Wisconsin as the great cradle of liberty. That honor has moved to our neighbor to the left. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Rep. Michelle Bachmann and urge you to cling to her every word, for therein lies a real t(h)reat.

4 Comments:

Blogger Robot said...

Re-listening to it, I think the 230 years of continuous freedom passed on from generation to generation is my favorite line. I guess there are no Africa-Americans in Minnesota after all...

7:37 PM  
Blogger Josh said...

Palin/Bachman in 2012!
"Bring 'em on!"

5:10 PM  
Blogger The Sheriff said...

There's probably a sign hanging somewhere in minnesota that says:
"[230] Years without an unfreedom" and someone changing the number every year.

4:29 PM  
Blogger scantron said...

I guess it was just in the nature of the thing that what is probably the most concerted effort *ever* to save global capitalism is producing some of the most blinkered sideshow idiocy ever seen. There must be an unwritten law. The daily revelation of the extent of the world's financial oligarchism is matched only by these sorts of cretins talking about the new Bolshevism. How can people diverge so differently on the very basics? (A brute lack of intelligence doesn't explain enough.)

I'm serious: how can people talk past each other so completely? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

3:45 PM  

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