Matt's right

Look, fuck Christmas, fuck Christ, here's my list:
1. Scooba. This piece of shit cleans my motherfuckin floor so I ain't even gotta worry about that shit no mo. Fuck that ugly ass carpet that I vommed on, we're goin all bare floors. Actually, we might be able to use the carpet to insulate our windows.
2. Khat. I haven't had a mystical experience since Star Wars on shrooms in Amsterdam. That's bullshit. Get me some motherfuckin Khat. And if we can somehow use a starved four year old camel jockey to get it here, that would be even better. The orientals will suffer for what they did to us(that one time).
3. Audiobooks. That's that fire.
4. Laundry service. This would give me like three extra hours every few months.
5. One of those masturbation machines. There's these weird things that can stroke your cock at 5000 rpm or something. I'm not feeling foucauldian enough to actually find a web site for this.
6. Yo, like some hot bitches. haha.
7. Some sort of benzodiazepene. Lots of it.
9. Another houseplant.