What the Democrats can learn from Revenge of the Nerds
First let me clarify. This article references the first installment of the film franchise, Revenge of the Nerds. (Do not mistake this film for Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise, Revenge of the Nerds III: The Next Generation, or Revenge of the Nerds IV: Nerds in Love. This will only confuse you.)
So, Revenge of the Nerds starts out with this stereotypical alcoholic-jock-asshole-fraternity, called Alpha Beta, accidentally burning down their own frat house. Major bummer, bro. To deal with this, the Alpha Betas take over the nerd-laden freshmen dorm and make that their new frat house. (The Alpha Betas are allowed to do this because they control the Greek Council and are therefore above Adams College law.) The freshmen nerds are banished to the gymnasium, where they sleep on crappy cots, and awake to the sounds of basketballs at 8 every morning.
The nerds soon realize that the only way they can get their dignity back, or at least a nice place to live, is to band together and form a fraternity of their own. Consequently, many different nerds (a fat alcoholic slob, a gay black guy, a 12 year old pseudo-masculine kid, an Asian, and others of varying nerd-ness) join together and form the fraternity Lambda Lambda Lambda (or the Tri-Lams as they are affectionately called).
At first the Tri-Lams struggle to gain respect from the school community, as they are seemingly just a bunch of pussy misfits. But as time passes, they focus their energy against a common enemy: the Alpha Betas. SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the film, the Tri-Lams win the homecoming carnival against the Alpha Betas, who were until now the perennial victors, and are hence awarded the prize of leadership of the Greek Council. To our surprise, the Adams College student body is happy with the change, as they were all sick of the corrupt reign of the Alpha Betas.
If you don’t see what I’m getting at here (c’mon, it’s pretty darn obvious), it’s that the Democrats are the Tri-Lams and the Republicans are the Alpha Betas. The Republicans are in control (and have been since 2000, arguably since 1994), and the Democrats have been banished to the crappy gymnasium of loser-dom, without really putting up a fight. The Democrats will remain there until they form a fraternity of misfit pussies and unite against a common enemy: the Alpha Betas… I mean, the Republicans.
It will not be until the fat slob (Ted Kennedy), the gay black guy (Barak Obama), the pseudo-masculine boy(Hillary Clinton), the Asian (Russ Feingold is the best I could do here), and others of varying nerd-ness (Kerry, Dean) work together and win the United State’s homecoming carnival (wink, wink), that the Adams College student body (wink, wink) can be celebrating the end of the corrupt reign of the Alpha Betas (wink, wink).
So, Revenge of the Nerds starts out with this stereotypical alcoholic-jock-asshole-fraternity, called Alpha Beta, accidentally burning down their own frat house. Major bummer, bro. To deal with this, the Alpha Betas take over the nerd-laden freshmen dorm and make that their new frat house. (The Alpha Betas are allowed to do this because they control the Greek Council and are therefore above Adams College law.) The freshmen nerds are banished to the gymnasium, where they sleep on crappy cots, and awake to the sounds of basketballs at 8 every morning.
The nerds soon realize that the only way they can get their dignity back, or at least a nice place to live, is to band together and form a fraternity of their own. Consequently, many different nerds (a fat alcoholic slob, a gay black guy, a 12 year old pseudo-masculine kid, an Asian, and others of varying nerd-ness) join together and form the fraternity Lambda Lambda Lambda (or the Tri-Lams as they are affectionately called).
At first the Tri-Lams struggle to gain respect from the school community, as they are seemingly just a bunch of pussy misfits. But as time passes, they focus their energy against a common enemy: the Alpha Betas. SPOILER ALERT: At the end of the film, the Tri-Lams win the homecoming carnival against the Alpha Betas, who were until now the perennial victors, and are hence awarded the prize of leadership of the Greek Council. To our surprise, the Adams College student body is happy with the change, as they were all sick of the corrupt reign of the Alpha Betas.
If you don’t see what I’m getting at here (c’mon, it’s pretty darn obvious), it’s that the Democrats are the Tri-Lams and the Republicans are the Alpha Betas. The Republicans are in control (and have been since 2000, arguably since 1994), and the Democrats have been banished to the crappy gymnasium of loser-dom, without really putting up a fight. The Democrats will remain there until they form a fraternity of misfit pussies and unite against a common enemy: the Alpha Betas… I mean, the Republicans.
It will not be until the fat slob (Ted Kennedy), the gay black guy (Barak Obama), the pseudo-masculine boy(Hillary Clinton), the Asian (Russ Feingold is the best I could do here), and others of varying nerd-ness (Kerry, Dean) work together and win the United State’s homecoming carnival (wink, wink), that the Adams College student body (wink, wink) can be celebrating the end of the corrupt reign of the Alpha Betas (wink, wink).
posted by Josh the Hippie Killer at 9:03 PM
6 Comments:
i like the analogy. but can hyannis port really be compared to crappy cots?
i was just informed that no one knows what hyannis port is:
"Hyannis Port is an affluent residential and fishing village. Hyannis Harbor provides access to the islands of Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket. It is also the location of the Kennedy family residence. Also, one of the nicest Golf Courses on Cape Cod, Hyannisport Golf Club on Irving Drive."
see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyannis_Port
Your Auguries are intriguing, hippy killer. I must pose two corrolary lines of flight that must be appropriated from the film:
1) What was indeed the other secret weapon that the Tri-Lams(nerds) had at their disposal? What is that one thing which most scares and threatens jocks (R's)? Large angry-looking black men. That's right, though their smarts got them far, the nerds had a secret weapon in their brotherly fellowship with a large cadre of black men...I will leave you to ponder this...
2) The prophecies cannot be fulfilled unless a Nerd dressed in the garb of the Empire mingles his seed with a woman of the Jock tribe. In the film, we see the intrepid Louis Skolnik appropriate the visage of the Jock Emperor Stan Gable (the Darth Vader Mask) and consequently copulate with the jock-cheerleader Betty Childs. Someone I fear will have to guise themselves as Ronald Reagan and sleep with Anne Coulter, for once the nerds have won over the sacred feminine of the Jocks, they can truly emanate their power
I was thinking more of a figurative banishment to the gymnasium of loser-dom. Like how many Dems still hold power, but comparatively have no power.
For example, John Kerry is still a wealthy Senator, but the poor guy is forced to live at his home in Fox Chapel, Pennsylvania (Assessed value: $3.7 million), or his home in Washington, D.C - Georgetown area (assessed value: $4.7 million), or his Nantucket, Massachusetts waterfront retreat on Brant Point (Assessed value: $9.18 million), or his Boston, Massachusetts - Beacon Hill home (Assessed value: $6.9) instead of getting to live at the sweet-ass White House of winner-dom.
What a nerdy pussy.
And to Sheriff,
the "two corrolary lines of flight" you point out are valid. Let's see what I can do with them...
1. The thing that scares the R's the most is not large angry-looking black men (although i'm sure ranks as a close number 2 to the racist R's), it's poor people! The dems must get a higher voter turnout from the poor people that aren't fanatical Christians. This is their would-be secret weapon.
2. Betty Childs represents power. Only the President of the Greek Council can hit that ass. And in the film, as power shifts from the Alpha Betas to Tri-Lams, the nerds are finally able to 'have control over' the power.
Skolnik's disguise only serves the purpose to make him seem as if he is the powerful president of the General Council, when he isn't just yet. Accordinly, the Dems must make it seem as if they are a party in power (assert their strengths instead of whine like nerdy pussies) and power will follow.
So today I was walking past The Sherrif and Dchan, they brought up an interesting point to me. “Hippy Killer,” they asked, “In you lastest post, who is Ogre?” Upon hearing their inquiry, I decided that there were a few more details I needed iron out.
1. Ogre is George W. Bush. As a member Alpha Beta fraternity, he doesn’t get much respect from the brotherhood, but most people around campus probably label him as the quintessential Alpha Beta member. Always drunk, incorent, and looking like a deer in headlights, most AB’s love this guy for his crazy antics and party boy persona. Yet he holds no true power, either in or out of his frat. In fact, it was him who burned down their frat house in the first place!!! Virtually all of the power is held by his buddy Stan.
2. Stan Gable is Dick Cheney. He’s the true leader of the Alpha Betas. As head of the Greek Council, he abuses his power like no one has ever done before. Not only does he kick the nerds out of their dorm, but he ruins the Tri-Lam party and even destroy the new Tri-Lam house. He’s an evil asshole, but he’s also the guy who’s fucking Betty (remember, she represents power), and thankfully at the end of the film he looses her.
3. Coach Harris is Karl Rove. (This part was played by John Goodman, btw). Always behind the scenes, conniving about sinister ways to fuck over the nerds, he lives out his pathetic desire to hold power through his affiliation with the Alpha Beta’s. (He’s the football coach, and many AB’s are on the team). In the end he tries to nullify the Tri-Lam’s victory at the school carnival when he yells at the schools dean of students, who for laziness sake we will say is a manifestation of… a true liberal ideology, but Coach gets shut down. He then returns to the locker-room, and cries.
4. The Omega Mu’s represent the bleeding heart liberal Democratic, anti-war pansies. No matter what happens to the nerds, they stand right by their side. They may not smell the best, they might not be the prettiest, but they sure are ugly… I mean loyal. When the nerds invite them over one night, even most of the nerds object (kinda like how the Dems ditched their true Dem voters by giving in to what the other side thought in 2004). But soon the Tri-Lams realize that they can have fun with these ugly pigs.
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