Global Terrorism in Ann Arbor *UPDATE*

I have just received an exclusive fax from Hamas regarding a recent attack on an expensive late model car in Ann Arbor, MI. I'm not sure why they faxed it, but them and Islamic Jihad are the only reason we still have a fax machine at my house. Anyway, we also received a video from a robotic camel jockey that stopped by our house (on camel, of course). Mossad has asked me not to release it until tomorrow, so stop by then. It is some serious, serious shit.

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While we are having trouble getting the video posted, I was recently able to interview one of the terrorists by phone.

A: So. Mr. Ibrahim. You chose terrorism. Why?
Muqtada Ibrahim: I wanted to strike back at the Americans. They are insufferable. Besides wearing garish clothing and driving expensive vehicles, they also see our women naked with their night-vision goggles.
A: How do they do that?
M: The night-vision gogles can see through clothing. They look at our wives fully clothed and are able to see see their biz and kus. This is disrespectful towards us.
A: I'm not sure night-vision goggles can do that....
M: They can! Whose side are you on?
A: Sorry, sorry. Well, have you ever thought about the possibility that your wives might want people to see their biz and kus?
M: No, I guess I hadn't. Wow. Maybe the Americans are really good people after all.
A: Well, I'm not so sure about that. What did you do to the shit-eating sharmuta Americans?
M: We were very angry, because, at the time, we felt that the Americans were looking at our wives and shitting in our mosques.
A: The Americans shat in your mosques?
M: Well, old Abdul would always say that. He said that they shat in the Mosques and wiped their asses bloody with sheets from the Qur'An.
A: The Holy Qur'An, the gift of the Most Bestest Lord in Heaven, through the Messenger Mohammed?
M: Yes, that's what Abdul always said. He said he saw it with his own eyes.
A: Are you aware that Abdul is a... Well, Abdul sticks his zabourah inside other men's... uh ...he's sort of.... a homosexual.
M: No... It can't be.
A: I'm afraid it is. Now, you can tell me--did Abdul ever stick---
M: NO! NEVER!!! I must go.
A: Ciao, Homo.