A big fuck you

Below is a column I was thinking of sending to Studlife. Then it got really hostile and polemical. So it fits in well here, except for the Carrie Bradshaw/Rachel Brockaway columnist tone, which I sort of hate.

The Arts and Sciences Computer Lab

During a conversation (the 23^rd I’ve had) about the overcrowding of the library, and the inaccessibility of computers there, one

During a conversation (the 23^rd I’ve had) about the overcrowding of the library, and the inaccessibility of computers there, one of my friends said: “Artsci Computer lab, that’s where it’s at”.

This was not a new idea, however. I had considered going to Artsci many times, but it always came down to one thing: “Dude, you’re wrong. Think keyboards”, I replied.

But Robbie, as I will call him here, had a ready reply: “New ones, brother. Deal with it”. He had won the conversation, and because he was willing to sacrifice all that is good in human life in order to do so, I was forced to consider Artsci as a possible work space. I used to be able to avoid work by telling myself that I really couldn’t work there, but that would no longer go.

This was bad. The keyboards were awful, and had really been the reason I couldn’t work on my thesis in the Artsci computer lab. But there were numerous other problems as well: the subterranean/navy ship feeling (exposed pipes, like the area around the squash courts here), the Lacedaemonian rows of computers, the strange culture created by the opposition of Apple computers on one side of the room and real computers on the other side, and, the worst count against the Arts and Sciences Computing Lab, the anti-paper-waste zealotry. Sitting in the room when I visited, I counted no less than sixteen color-printed, framed signs informing users of the lab what we can print out(no coupons, maps, or listings from ebay), how many copies (one, of course), and how we should format our work (WTF). Some of the signs tout the paper-savers wet dream, duplex printing, saying “Two sides are better than one”. If you thought that you could get away with printing anything. The final touch is the most obnoxious: if you hadn’t seen one of the attractive signs in your hurry to get to a computer, a helpful, hostile reminder of the rulez of the game is the soothing

I am aware that universities all over the country are having huge issues with their paper budgets. But I just can’t allow the issue of paper use to dominate my life. The most demoralizing, but unintended, result of the signs in Artsci is that it makes you aware that at least one bureaucrat at our school spends their entire day trying to think of ways to convince students to use less paper. I cannot think of anything less life-affirming than this fact. Whoever you are, I hope your next job is better. We, the human beings of planet Earth, who print papers, news articles, coupons, and other trivial things that could never justify the loss of a tree (a TREE!!) or a dollar (United States, no less), recognize that you are our enemy only so long as you play your current role. While it is necessary for me to enter into the state of war with you, I recognize that you are a victim of the economics of late-capitalism and are only trying to support your children (although you are probably doing them more harm than good). I will therefore use only non-violent means to insure that your role is replaced by one more life-affirming and helpful.

Seriously: we are students. We need paper to print. I apologize. But I need to read articles, proofread papers, and sometimes, only a few times a semester, I may need to print out duplicate copies of an essay for a workshop or team-taught course. Moreover, I will often need to print out a paper in a format specified by a professor, not the most efficient one. If the budget for paper is really as strained as you say it is, then you need to ask for more money. Printing is here to stay. The internet is here to stay. Hopefully your current role, making the artsci-computer lab a hostile work environment, is not.